“Never thought we’d get old, maybe we’re still young
Maybe you always look back and think it was better than it was
Maybe these are the moments
Maybe I’ve been missin’ what it’s about
Been scared of the future, thinkin’ about the past
While missin’ out on now
We’ve come so far, I guess I’m proud
And I ain’t worried ’bout the wrinkles ’round my smile
I’ve got some scars, I’ve been around
I’ve felt some pain, I’ve seen some things, but I’m here now
Those good old days” – Macklemore
If you know me, you know I love music and listening to the words, and in this moment, these are resonant. Life is hard. Sometimes it’s really fucking hard, regardless of what we post on Instagram. We experience the most profound pain and heartbreak and loss. For me, there is no way to get through these times except to really go through them. Reflect, hurt, cry, feel, move through, heal.
There comes a point in my grieving process when appreciation for the beauty of my life comes back into focus. The words of this song were a powerful reminder of exactly that. I am able to reconnect with the moments I cherish, like holding Oliver’s hand while listening to a song we love in the car. Like the leaves turning on a perfect fall day in Magnolia. Like cooking in the comfort of my beautiful home. Like the deeply meaningful relationships with the people in my life, my friends, my parents and family, that love me fiercely and support me, in good times and bad.
I’m still working my way out of a painful time and my goal is to do so with integrity and vulnerability, that’s about it. I’m not exactly sure what the good old days are, but I know my life, even during the worst days (well, maybe not the worst, those days just plain fucking suck), there are moments that I want to take in and hold close to my heart because each one is fleeting. Maybe the good old days are just all of the days. Even with the pain and the heartbreak and the loss.
Life goes on. I can get through just about anything. I’ve got some scars, I’ve been around. I’ve felt some pain, I’ve seen some things, but I’m here now. Those good old days.